6 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Adopt Merlin

Looking for a pup who’s all sweetness and sunshine? Well Merlin’s prolly not the guy for you. Sure, he’s irresistibly white n’ floofy and LOVES to hang with his humans, but our ten-pound Two-Face needs folks who’ll bring out his Harvey Dent when he’s in the throes of a teenage mood swing 🙂

This pocket magician has a tailored list of the type of forever fam he’s looking for. We’re a full disclosure group so let’s just lay it all out on the dance floor. With Merlin you get snuggles AND snipes (although we’re happy to report WAY more snuggles than snipes). Merlin wants an adult home of 1-2 peeps which means no kids of any age. He’d be fine in a smaller space but doesn’t want strangers rushing up to fluff his floof – or else, and of course a private backyard of his own would be so extra. A similarly sized, confident companion dog is high in his hopes as he really looks to his foster sis for guidance – and he’s SUCH a respectful baby brother! A toy bin exploding with fun, absolutely all the doggy beds, and humans who *get* him are a must. He expects you to have a throwing arm and free lap space (and will work for both!) but also needs parents who wear the pants and aren’t afraid to lay down the law when he’s got a mouth full of sass, and teeth.

So if you’re looking for lifetime membership in the Cult of the Cute White Fluffy, here are the top 6 reasons why you probably shouldn’t try it with Merlin …

6. He’s an angsty teen.

Anyone who’s watched The Breakfast Club knows the trope of the misunderstood teen. Take your pick: 4-year-old Merlin is, if nothing else, an opinionated, moody, desirable dude with a lot of smarts and a rebellious streak a mile wide. He fits the 80/20 rule – 80% playful, 20% hormonal – and like all teens, he thinks he knows best. This little fanged furball tries to one-up his human on the daily and definitely needs parents who live a leadership lifestyle or you’ll see his version of door-slamming and eye-rolling. At least he can’t turn up the radio.

5. Wfh these days? Too bad.

Merlin can play fetch and tug-o-war til the cows come home. Truly, there’s no end to his love of The Game. You’re on back-to-back Zoom calls? Trying to type a report? HAHA. Throw the mini tennis ball or deal with the ‘tude. In fact, if you’re looking for a furry speed bump who keeps to his own, you can cross Merlin clean off your list. He’s BFF material and knows how to work it. Let this nugget into your heart and home and he’ll try to land-and-expand (his toy box) all over everything.

4. You’ll have to sleep with one eye open.

Or just make him sleep in his own bed. He’ll have many, trust us. Merlin loves snuggles and will gladly climb up for cuddle time (if invited!) but don’t disturb him when he’s snoozing or you may wake the lion and hear him roarrrr. He’s very in tune with his wolfish roots and sadly learned to talk back with his mouth thanks to whoever first failed this little peanut. And let’s be fair – who enjoys being startled, frightened, run over, and the like? We all have a personal bubble and prefer to be treated fairly and with respect.

3. He may be a white floof but he’s no airhead.

We said this kid is SMART. We meant it. Merlin loves figuring out ways to push boundaries and test rules, and he has naughty down to a science. He’s looking for stimulation of the mental and physical kind, so you’d better tire him out with play and training or be prepared for some canine creativity. Let’s face it, smart dogs are more fun and also more work so if you’re not up for the challenge, better adopt a pup with a lower IQ.

And let’s talk about that white floof…While he looks ludicrous(ly cute) with a buzz cut down to the whiskers, Merlin REALLY hates baths and primping. Too bad for you: all-white low-shedding dogs need regular suds and professional trims. In M’s case, he either needs a specially skilled groomer or he has to go full-monty – your vet knocks him out (while we prefer wine, he needs something stronger) and shaves him down. Forget “a little of the top”. With those soft snowy locks, Merlin can mat and his eyes leak those telltale boogers. A few times yearly, you’ll need to shell out the dough for a full Brazillian – for your dog. The upside: his freckles are pretty adorable.

2. He’ll keep your social circle small.

Stranger danger!! Ack! The Mer-man will let you know when someone comes calling. This pint- sized piranha bonds tightly with his human, and the teen in him thinks it’s HIS house, HIS car .. and the people? HIS, of course. Love surprises? Merlin doesn’t. Mellllooooowwww is the M word of the day (week? year? life?). Loud noises, silly kid moves, fireworks… ya, hard pass. Planning a surprise party? Not at home, you’re not. Our tiny tornado is hoping for a peaceful home with low foot traffic where he can be the only cause of natural disasters.

1. He’ll expect you to love him forever.

Merlin’s only 4 which means he’s going to be your fluffy white shadow for a LONG time to come. He’ll glom onto you forever and be your biggest fan (and maybe your biggest frustration). While he’s happiest in a home with a welcoming resident canine, dogs don’t have hands for petting and laps for warming. It’s gonna be up to you to provide endless pets, throw nonstop toys, and give all the love and attention. It’s also on you to remain committed to this furry boy through thick and thin, till death do you part. Tired of kisses and snuggles, mood swings and attitude? That’s a shame because Merlin has endless stamina so you’d better up your game.

So after all’s said and done, unless you’re looking for a pooch who’s a little bit of work but so worth the effort, Magic Merlin isn’t the pooch for you. He’s a diamond in the rough but has some jagged edges, and he’s holding out for that gem connoisseur who can polish up his shiny and make him Mister Smoove. He can be a turd but he’s a turd we believe in, so if you’re cut from the right cloth, hit us up…but don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Southern California only please

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